I love fall!

So I didn't really think that I had much to share today but I hadn't written in a few days. But I started a note to myself. Jotting things down that I thought I could share with you. And... kinda ended up longer than I expected.

I want to state for the record -- I LOVE THIS WEATHER!! Fall is my favorite time of year. When the weather starts to cool. It is hard for me to be inside. (In fact, I am sitting outside my house on the brick patio to type this.) College football is underway. Baseball playoffs are gearing up. My birthday is in a week! (Sept. 30th) There is something that is refreshing to me about fall. Even though I've been out for a few years now, maybe I am still programmed into the school year mentality. The new year. Change. In the morning, it is cool but not cold. In the afternoon, it is warm but not hot. I love this weather!

I have a personal trainer. ... Now before you go and get impressed, he is a very good friend of mine. [Pip] My roommates and I (and an honorary roommate - Ben) are meeting a couple of times a week to have Pip kick our butts. As sore as I am today, I am excited about this. My New Years resolution this year was to live a more healthy life. I did really well the first 6 months or so. I trailed off this summer. Well, more like late summer. I think this will be fun. I'm not in this alone. I have friends to push me. I have friends to laugh with along the way. And I look forward to finishing the year with the same determination and hopefulness that I started it with.

I'm going on vacation!! This will be the first time I've left Middle Georgia since December of last year. And it will be my first real vacation in about 3 years. The senior pastor at Christ Chapel is blessing me with his beach house for a weekend to celebrate my birthday. But in reality, he is providing so much more than a house for a weekend. He is giving me a much needed getaway from Macon. He is giving me a family vacation. I've not been shy about how much I love my friends. How I see them as my family. So for possibly the first time ever, I am excited about family vacation. We leave Friday. Daytona here we come!

For those of you that know me well and that have shared life with me the past 2 - 3 months, you know about this little thing we call Monday Night Group. [or Monday Night... or Group... we don't really have a name for this thing] For those of you that don't know -- a few months ago, some friends and I were having dinner at their house. After dinner we congregated in the living room and were just talking and hanging out. Somewhere in the course of conversation, someone made the comment of "oh, I could list you my weaknesses." So, we responded with "go ahead." We all shared what we saw as our laundry list of weaknesses. And then everyone else got to add to or expound as they saw fit. It might sound scary, but it wasn't. It is all done from the perspective of love. Of challenging each other to be the best person we can be.

So this past Monday, a few new faces finally joined us after many invites. And much like the very first night, it was obvious that God had orchestrated each of us to that room at that moment for a reason. It is a beautiful thing when you can challenge, encourage and love friends like that. To see yourself from someone else's eyes is a very valuable thing. To see the good. The bad. The ugly. And to know that you are not alone in your struggles. [One of satan's biggest attacks on us is to tell us that we are alone. We are the only one out there battling that particular fight.]

Pastor John spoke Sunday (morning and evening) on how NOTHING JUST HAPPENS. God is orchestrating everything in our lives to work out His good and perfect plan for each of us. Those two sermons will not quickly be forgotten. They have been resonating through me the past few days. To know that God is placing the dots and connecting them for the bigger picture. But we get so focused on our little dot. Our tiny corner of the universe. We may see things in good and bad. Whole and broken. But God only sees how all the pieces make up the beautiful picture. God uses things like the famine in Bethlehem, the death of a husband, the death of both her sons, and being abandoned by one daughter-in-law to bless Naomi with Ruth. With her kinsman redeemer. With a grandson. (who is a predicessor to Jesus) We don't need to know how God is working, just that He is. And it is for our good.

And that has been a big lesson for me this week. That the bad and broken pieces are for my good. For so long now, I have tried to run from my family. To separate myself. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. And when God started blessing me with a new family of friends, I thought that was my cue to completely cut off my parents. Still in contact, but not connected. With the events of last weekend and this week, I am reminded that Nothing Just Happens. There are issues there I need to deal with. I need to forgive when I don't feel like it. I need to love when they don't deserve it. I need to be to Christ in front of them even when they aren't looking for it. But how do I separate enough to keep myself healthy, but still be connected? How do I protect myself and still love them? How do I forgive them when I am justified in my hurts?

Pastor Andy (from Christ Chapel Warner Robins) made a point months ago that still resonates with me. It is the 10/90 idea. We focus on the 10% of our lives that we are frustrated at God in [Areas He is not God in yet, that He is not answering us in, areas that we are struggling] instead of the 90% He is blessing us with. So I am trying to focus on the 90. Remembering that He has blessed me with friends I do not deserve. Blessed me with a house to live in that is not only a refuge for my friends but for me as well. Blessed me with a calling on my life. Blessed me with a car that still runs after all these years. All of my needs are taken care of. So while I wait for Him to answer the questions I still have, I will praise Him for what He has already done and is currently doing in my life. And even if the percentages change and everything starts going bad, I will still praise Him. Because He is worthy. And I am not.

when I am weak

Whenever you start something big for God you can expect opposition. I am no exception. This past weekend has been hard. Satan is attacking me with my family. My mom & dad have never had a great relationship. Never had a relationship I longed to emulate. To still keep private things private, I'll just say that my parents have come to a breaking point. And I am trying with all my energy to not get caught in the rubble. But the love and support of my new family (my friends) has helped me through it. I have an army of saints praying for me. And for my family. It's not over. Big problems are never simply solved. But I am okay. I will be. I'm not letting satan win this battle. For my God is so much greater than him. Thank you to the friends who have been there. Thank you to those that have prayed for me. (Please continue. For the battle has just begun.) Thank you to those that will be there. I know I can lean on you when I do not have the strength to stand.

I'm not going to ask God to instantly heal everything. To fix it all. For what will I learn in that? How will I grow? But I will cling to His promise that "His power is made perfect in my weakness."

8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. [NIV]

It has begun...

I started with Mike on Monday. It was good to put feet to all the words. [Meaning -- it was nice to finally start doing what I've been talking about for so long.] I worked on stuff for House of Grace. (I don't think I mentioned this last time, but my "focus" area will be House of Grace. Although we will all have our hands in everything that is going on, we will each have an area that we are responsible for or focusing on more than the other areas.) I worked on a notecard that we will mail out to new visitors. (and it looks GOOD!) Got them ordered. I also emailed all of the new visitors for this semester and asked them what they really thought about their visit. (And I've had a few send answers back -- good feedback too!) And I have a couple of other things to get working on.

And at the risk of sounding really girly, I kinda like being able to dress nice every day. After a year and a half at Joshua Cup (and another 6 months at LifeWay prior to that) and having to wear a uniform, it has been fun getting to dress like a girl. Don't go all crazy, I'm still wearing jeans! But I get to wear a cute top instead of a black t-shirt. My shoe options go beyond black tennis shoes. I get to have style now. [So I should realize in about 2 weeks that I have a horrible wardrobe and I need to go shopping! ;) ]

Which brings me back to support. I was able to make quite a few calls on Monday evening. Not really much headway though. A lot talking to voicemail. A lot of "yes, but I don't know how much." What is the balance between asking for money and not pressuring people? What is the balance between me trying to do it and letting God work in people? But today I'll be making more phone calls. Printing and writing more letters. And if I plan on being effective, I better make some time to talk to God in there. Ask Him to prepare the hearts (and wallets) of those that He has chosen to support me. [note: not me choosing them, but Him]

Back to those friends I love so dearly, I really wish you could meet them all. Spend some time with them. So that you could see how amazing they are. They make me laugh. (a lot) They make me feel worthy of love. (which I have NEVER felt before) They encourage me to not settle for a mediocre life. (which I have until this point) They hug me. (and mean it) They tell me they love me. (and mean it) Family life for me has always been ... "interesting." Not always bad. But, like everyone else, we had our fair share of dysfunction as well as good times. But God is blessing me in this season with a family of great friends. He has strategically placed men and women around me to be my family. To teach me what love is. I don't mean that as a knock against my parents, but I didn't really get what love it until now. I didn't grow up believing in the kind of love 1 Corinthians 13 speaks of, but I am starting to really get it now.

Beginnings...

I meant to update this before now, but such is life I guess. As I alluded to in my first post, I started this blog as a way to keep my friends, family and supporters updated on what is going on with me. This will be my way of opening my heart up to you. I hope you are encouraged to hear my passion to know what God is doing in me, around me and through me. I hope you hear my anxieties, fears and failures to know how to pray for me.

In the last several weeks, I am keenly aware that I have been blessed with some amazing friends in my life. Young & old. Men & women. Some have moved off to school recently. Some, like me, are venturing off into new callings for their lives. I count the blessings of my friends daily! ... I am staring to truly understand something I heard a while back (don't even know where I heard it) -- that in this stage of life [20somethings], your friends become your family. Although I have family, they are no longer the most important people in my life. They are no longer the most influential. I have a family of friends around me now that are nothing short of a blessing of God. And I praise Him for them daily!

I have left Joshua Cup. I am now fully dependent on God to provide supporters/money. I have never been more out of control of my life than I am right now. And it is scary. There are so many "what ifs" going through my mind. "What if the money doesn't come in?" "What if I heard God wrong and this is not the calling on my life?" Stepping out into this level of faith is never easy. [As Pastor John tells us - "If it was easy, anybody could live the victorious Christian life."] So I am scared. I am at times worried. And I've already had a few disappointments. But I am leaning on His promise that He will not call me into something and not provide. Matthew 6 tells us that God provides for even the lilies in the field which are here today and gone tomorrow so surely He will provide for His children that He loves.

I finally start with Mike on Monday. I also have some meetings with potential supporters on Monday afternoon/evening. ... I also plan on going to a new Sunday school class this weekend. ... So much transition is going on right now - and like every human - I like to cling to what is known. I, like you, am a creature of habit. So I am a little uneasy lately. I am out of my comfort zone. Which is the life He calls us all to. But I think it also explains why I am still up at 2:30 a.m.!

Good night y'all!